My spirit in Christ
I want to share with you something personal, sensitive, and what brought me to the Word of God. Before I get to it, here is some background in my faith journey. I grew up as distant from the Word of God as much as anyone who has no concern for it. I very rarely went to church growing up and lived most of my childhood to adolescent years being separated from Jesus. Separated on my end, which I have come to understand, is not hearing, knowing, nor caring of the Word. I did attend Bible studies with my cousins when I was in high-school, but as someone who thought there were more important things to think about, the Word of God always went over my head. So I ended up dropping out of classes before communion. During my college years in 2014, I met my wife, who was and is a devote Catholic. I started going to church with her early on. It felt nice, but I never really sought for God. At the time, there were more important things to think about as far as I was concerned. Which was clearly visible from the fact that I was dozing off at church during homolies.
I didn't have anything against the Word of God or the Bible. I was just not interested and more focused on other things, like my 3d studies and career path. My wife, who was my gf at the time, took me to my first ever confession at the age of 21. I remember it well, as embarassing as I had felt, how could I not? I had a list of sins written out on a piece of paper to confess, and Father's words were, "Oh boy here we go." As you can imagine, this being my first time ever confessing sins, it was very nerve-wrecking. Honestly it didn't make me feel any better, which may not be a surprise considering it was my first. There was no root for me to appreciate it. I didn't connect with the meaning behind confession as it was my first and so I was left feeling even more guilty. Then it was all drowned in my comfort of not caring about the Word of God. A few years pass by, I continued to sin in my thoughts, words, and actions. By this I mean indulging in pornagraphic content, enjoying violent shows, shows with sex, enjoying demonic entertainments and contents, and loved false gods or mythological gods, etc. All this while going to church and taking communion as a Catholic.
I never thought about how big of a fraud I was in my faith. Not giving a second thought of my bad habits as if they were something normal. Atleast that is how I perceived the world to make it out to be. At the time, I thought, it was ok. I'm not hurting anyone, and I hear others saying, it is normal. I was clearly not taking my relationship with Christ seriously even after confessing my sins and being absolved from them by Father's words, I would repeat the same sins that I confessed without a care. 4 years later, in 2018, my wife and I got married and started our little family. Our first little girl was born on the 3rd of December 2019. Then came our second little girl on the 27th of August 2021. Throughout this time up to the birth of my second little girl, as we are starting our little family and now with two little girls, going to church, confessions, my relationship with Christ had not changed since 7 years ago when I met my wife. I continued to sin left and right without a thought of Christ. In thoughts, words, and actions. My so called faith was just empty motions, and empty words.
On 2022, late August, I experienced something I did not know what to make of, but through a short time in my decision to get to know the Word of God with serious intent, it has drastically changed my attitude towards Christ. The "immediate" change in my lustful thoughts and sins, was like a new spirit in my mind pushing away anything that was sexualized and/or pornographic material. Pushing away idolatry, and anything else that felt like "filth". The idea of indulging in them, and I speak the truth here when I say this, was a feeling of disgust of myself. I quoted "immediate", because although it was through a course of a few months and now a few years, the change did feel immediate. The world wants to normalize these things and they do that through any form of media of course. So my mind has been on a course of renewing as I dwell with the Word of God. My curiousity is natural, and the Word of God captured my heart. Through out 2022, I had gone through some big mental changes for myself. Of course, the refining in my mind and heart is still burning and I am fighting to hold on to the Word of God, yet I understand it is not by my power. My love for the Word of God was a sudden explosion, which may have seemed strange to those around me. I have come to enjoy learning about His Word and writing inspired by His Word.
This is where I think things began to shift in my faith. I had been struggling with finding work. Specifically remote work in 3d. So late July 2022, I decided to pray more than often, as I also felt depressed. Around the end of July 2022 I started turning towards asking God for help more. During this time, I turned to praying and my mind and attitude slowly started shifting towards prayer. Then there was this feeling of heavy guilt, which pierced my heart. Other than my work situation, there were many other things weighing me down emotionally and I felt like a huge fraud in front of Christ, and there was this feeling of emptiness that came. I cried in prayer and felt horrible. During this time, my mentality towards God was shifting as I made it a goal to pray more often. Late August came, and I remember telling myself in my head, then outload through my mouth, "I need to be better for Christ, pray more, and read the Bible to get to know the Word of God." Which I had never done in my life until 2022.
It was around this time, a dream came to me during the day. I had never had a dream like this before, and what I mean by that is that this dream was strange, and yet it felt as if I was awake. Though at first I didn't think much of it, but throughout my readings after this dream had came to me, the written Word of God has given me reasons to believe it wasn't just a random dream, but I believe it was a vision given to me by God, as they aligned with the written words in scripture I was not familiar with or have read until after the dream. It was a revealing of myself, in my decision to repent and seek the Lord. It was so vivid as if I was there in person, but my focus was directed to moments and actions. Call it a coincident, calling, or whatever you want, I found something through this dream in my times of reading and remembrance of the Word of God, that led me to believe I witnessed a light, described by Jesus as a city set on a hill, and in this I had also come to believe I was drawn to Christ, not only by my thought of Him in this dream, but also of what I have learned in the Word of God afterwards.
"What Do You Seek? John 1:38"
The dream began with a town. I was in a town that appeared to have Roman structures in it. The structures were a plain color of concrete and the streets were wide and made of tiles of concrete traveling all the way to the lower level of the town. As I walked down the street, I start hearing music. Up ahead were people gathered in a circle playing music and singing. It was a festive event full of energy and everyone was singing in joy. I started walking towards them and as I got closer I start noticing that everyone was singing in different languages to the same tune and there was a young male playing a guitar leading them. There was a word, that caught my ears in the song, unfortunately I can't recall what that word was, but I carried this word in my thoughts for a while, as I continued down the street. Not far from the group gathered in a circle singing, there was a structure that had a doorway that led to a hall. I could see light from the other side of the hallway, but couldn't make out what was on the other side, so I started walking towards it and through the hall.
When I got closer to the end of the hall, the environment at the other side started to become clear. It was a garden. A beautiful garden enclosing a circular area with a 3 tiered circular fountain in the center. The ground of the circular garden was also tiled concrete and there were concrete curved benches setup around the area up against the garden wall. I noticed there were two women sitting on one of the benches whispering to each other. I approached them and asked them if they wanted to know what the word I've been carrying in my mind was in my native tongue, Pohnpei. They shook their heads no, and smiled. I smiled, but felt somewhat disappointed, and started making my way towards the entrance of the garden.
Exiting the hall that led to the garden, I arrive back on the street where the group was singing in different languages to the same tune. So I continued on the street, seeming to walk downhill towards a lower level.
On my way, I start leaving the upper level of the town to the lower level. The street curved around to the lower level with light posts on both side. On both sides off the street were tall trees. Outside of the town was a forest and between the upper level and lower level of the town were the tall trees. As I arrive on the lower level, I see many people standing on a black marbled floor. This area was the widest of all the paths in the town. The black floor was next to a wide river that connect to open waters. It resembled the ocean. On the other side of the river, was a mountain. The people stood by the fence near the river. All looking out the same direction waiting in anticipation for what was to come. Emerging from the river was a giant sea creature like a serpent, that jumped above the surface of the waters. It was magnificent in size, taller than the mountain, yet it was still underneath the waters. I was astonished by the size of the creature. The creature made a huge splash upon landing making its way out to the open waters and everyone standing on the black floor became drenched from the splash as they marveled over the size of the creature clapping and cheering in awe.
As the event passes and the sea beast swims out to the ocean, my attention was caught by a man with curly hair, shades, and a thick beard. The man started speaking to me, but then my attention was drawn away from him to the forest between the upper level and the lower level. I was perplexed by the ground of the forest. This was a forest between the upper level and the lower level. The tall trees stood on what seemed to be skin with its cellular patterns. The patterns were shifting and changing. After a moment of gazing at the ground being mesmerized, my attention turns back to the man with curly hair, as he giggles as if he had said something funny. Then we parted ways and I began to look for a route to continue walking. It seemed I was searching for something as I looked for a way to keep going. I found a small gate, which led me out of the town on a narrow path from the lower level and started walking on the path.
While I was on the narrow route, I looked around and the environment had become barren. A desert under the hot sun. Further along the way, I see a circular structure sitting on an edge of a cliff. It was like an observatory and people were there looking out to the barren land. When I arrived there was a young man and a little boy there. The little boy was playing with what seemed to be a medicine ball. So it must've had some weight, but the boy was throwing it high up to the ceiling. The young man was standing next to the entrance and as I stood by him, he starts telling me about the little boy. The little boy then comes up to me and asks if he could throw the ball on top of my water bottle. So I gave it to him to entertain him. A few times he attempted, then finally the ball landed on the bottle. The cap bursts off and water came splashing out. So I hurried to grab the bottle. As I dry off the bottle, I say goodbye to the young man and the little boy, making my way out the observatory. However, I quickly realized I wasn't alone, as I was holding a baby, which I had thought was a water bottle.
On my way out, I thought I'd return to the town and I got on the narrow path I took to the get to the observatory. However I wasn't alone, as with me was the child. The land was barren and the sun was scorching hot. So I thought to myself, that I needed to get this child under shade. As I continued walking I see up ahead a bench with a roof over it providing shade. So I hurried there to give the child some shade. When I arrived at the bench, the child was with me no more. He just disappeared. Then I decided to lay down on the bench under the shade and take a rest. It felt as if I had fallen asleep and when I opened my eyes again, I was still at the bench. I picked up my head and looked at my feet and past my feet, still a good distance away, was the town. The town was on a small slope, and the heat distorted the image of the town. Like a mirage. So I lay my head back down, but then I realized something. I took another look at my feet, and realized there were holes in them. In shock, I took a closer look. There seemed to be some sort of lens on them. However through this lens I saw through me. So of course upon seeing this, I thought about Jesus Christ. Holes in His hands and feet. So I took the lens and placed it on my hand. Upon seeing through the lens, I saw something which was different. As I tried to look closer, my entire vision became black as if I was blinded. The only thing I could see was a 3d modeled head with the eyes missing and the head coming apart.
What I saw throught the lens had left me in wonder. I saw a blurry resemblance of a city or a kingdom, set on tall plateau. Much higher than where the town was, yet I couldn't see the town through the lens. Only the city set on the tall mountain and everything beneath it, was barren.
"Come and you will see." John 1:39
Over 2 years later, and I still remembered it. It has become a treasure in my heart, amongst the treasures of the Word of God, He has been teaching me. I wanted to keep a record of it here to never forget it. A fire ignited in the being of my soul and I believe it is by the Holy Spirit. What does it mean? The Word of God has been revealing the Spirit of the Lord, as I learn about Him, reading the Bible. The correlations, between Christ’s teachings I was not familiar with up until now after my dive into the Word of God, and the details of the dream has been uplifting my heart and giving me confidence in the Spirit of the Lord. I can't help but to be filled with wonder in the Word, the more I learn the way God speaks to us through His Word. Through my readings and getting to know the Father, I have been trying to see the world in a different lens. A lens of faith. Something I think we are all searching for.
On August 2023, days 7-10, I come across these verses that perfectly described my dream on the same month last year 2022. Reading through the Sermon on the Mount with Jesus Christ in the Gospel of Matthew, I am still being blown away! I promise you, I could not have recalled these verses, or much of the verses from His teachings before my dream!
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are a few who find it.” Jesus Christ
Matthew 7:13-14
A realization by the Word of God
March 25 2025
Throughout some time since this dream happened, it has been coming and going on my mind, and it may continue to do so. With the wonder of what this dream meant. I wanted to know, but was uncertain about interpreting it. On the 23rd of March 2025, this dream came back to mind as I was at work. I started wondering what it meant again, and at times I would ask God to explain it to me. As I was reading with my wife, a moment of realization hit me with the Word of God in mind. An interpretation of the dream based on the Word of God. Which has led me to think that this dream, and the town and city with all it's events and people, are all me. As Christ said, "You are a city, set on a hill." The town as the old me, the desert as me denying myself, and the city set on a hill as the new me being built up in Jesus Christ.
A good point my wife brought up was that although we may have come to some understanding of my dream based on the Word of God, it may still be something I'll be fighting against in the flesh. Yet, this uplifted our spirits as we have come to understand this dream as a lens through myself shown to me by God. A revealing of who I was, and who I am coming to be in Jesus Christ, the Word of God. Truly, friends, you are the light of the world. As the apostle Paul wrote, "Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:12. In this spirit, we press on and persevere in Christ. Pursuing to do good, and walk by the Spirit of God. That is by the Word of God. The battle is won in Jesus Christ, where we fall short. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!